Oh, are you groundbreaking? Fun.

There’s something wonderfully predictable about bad marketing copy. You can smell it before you see it. It usually arrives accompanied by a parade of adjectives each trying to sound more important than the last.

“Groundbreaking.” Ah yes, the first word in the startup thesaurus. Formerly used for innovations like the telephone or the wheel, now tossed at things like calendaring software and face cream. The only thing being broken here is your reader’s patience.

Try: “One of the first CRM tools to auto-prioritize leads based on real-time sales data, increasing conversion rates by 40%.”

Sometimes the most powerful word is one you don’t use.

“Pioneering.” This is meant to conjure images of Shackleton, not someone who’s added a feature flag to a website dashboard. It suggests you’ve hacked your way through digital underbrush to bring civilization a slightly better login screen.

Try: “One of the first CRM tools to integrate AI chatbots, reducing response time by 40%.”

Show us the map, not the machete.

“Bleeding edge.” A favourite of pitch decks and puffery. Usually code for “our QA team hasn’t slept in four days.” Bleeding edge implies pain, risk, and a warranty voided at first touch. It sounds daring until you realise it’s just a placeholder for details nobody bothered to include.

Try: “The latest 5G-capable network chip for faster connectivity.”

Precision has better conversion rates than drama.

“Advanced.” Once a mark of excellence, now an empty calorie. Everything is “advanced” these days, from breakfast cereal to face cream. It’s the modern marketing equivalent of shrugging loudly.

Try: “Uses predictive machine learning to flag issues before they occur.”

Specifics sometimes beat slogans (an A/B test will tell you when).

“Revolutionary.” If the word makes you think of Bastille Day or the fall of the Berlin Wall, you’re using it correctly. If you’re describing a 2% increase in screen brightness, please step away from the keyboard. Try: “Our new platform cuts data processing time by 50%, so teams get answers in half the time and make decisions faster.” Even the word “revolution” benefits from data.

“Exclusive.” It may be in the email subject line, but if you received it, so did 11,000 others. Exclusivity used to mean something (access, advantage, status…). Now it means “Tuesday’s promotion.” Try: “Available only to enterprise customers: a dedicated account team with 24/7 support.” If it’s rare, show your work.

“Unique.” This word has become the verbal equivalent of a QR code: frequently present, rarely scanned. Declaring something unique without showing why is like turning up to a job interview in a cape: Standing out isn’t the same as being credible.

Try: “The only scheduler that automatically adjusts for global holiday calendars.” Uniqueness, like beauty, is best proven through behaviour.

“Best.” The perennial favourite. Should usually be followed by “according to us.” The word “best” is like a self-awarded trophy: more suspect than persuasive.

Try: “Rated #1 by industry analysts for reliability.”

Borrow some credibility from someone who’s not on payroll. Marketing doesn’t need exaggeration. It needs credibility.

According to the 2020 BVA/Labrador study (available here), when fluff gave way to plain language, readers consumed content 40% faster, understood 38% more, and were 41% more likely to remember what they’d read.

Like “The Fonz,” plain language doesn’t try to impress. It’s cool, without having to say it’s cool.